<![CDATA[Rue Jean

<![CDATA[Rue Jean - Blog]]>Mon, 18 Jul 2016 16:31:37 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[Get To It, Let's Do It]]>Wed, 06 Jul 2016 17:28:21 GMThttp://www.ruejeancoaching.com/blog/get-to-it-lets-do-itI have been really quiet here lately haven’t I? Yeah, sorry about that, sometimes life gets too busy happening on the other side of a computer screen. I’m writing today about something a little unconventional, something that’s very instagram-y (it’s a word, trust me). Today, I’m going to take a note from Nike, and we’re going to talk about how to “Just Do It”. In the midst of traveling, I pulled some time aside (mostly on airplanes) to listen to Shonda Rhimes’s book, A Year of Yes, and as I poured my savings into my travels to Europe, it resonated with me deeply. In her speech at the Dartmouth Commencement, she encourages the new graduates not to be dreamers, rather to be do-ers and that sometimes you have to do less than ideal things while your real dream is brewing. That’s what it’s all about, the hokey pokey of life is in just doing it. Since I have gotten back home, people have asked me how I was able to afford to travel, and among blessings like having family in Europe who graciously hosted us, and another person working to support expenses, I just kind of went for it.

The old adage, where there’s a will, there’s a way, is really true. In all things, for my travel, I made choices, I stopped going out for coffee or lunch, we stayed in hostels (which honestly, I get a kick out of) and we cut back where we needed to. If you have any goal, you can make it happen. Whether it’s going back to school, losing 100 pounds, or seeing Indonesia (Eat, Pray, Love tour anyone?!), you can make it happen. These things for most people who don’t have rich uncles, don’t happen overnight, they happen like erosion, slowly, over time.

If you want to go back to school, take one class a semester, you don’t have to do it all, take 15 credits, work full time, be a parent, whatever your situation is, as long as you’re doing something, you’re getting there.

If you want to lose 100 pounds, start thinking about some changes that you can make and implement them over time, park farther away from the doors, make it a bowl instead of a burrito at Chipotle.

If you want to go to Indonesia, brew your own coffee, paint your own nails. Find the little things that you can do to make your dreams happen.

It doesn’t take a leap, it takes a step, you’ve got this, take the little actions, make the little changes, and before you know it, you’ll be on the other side of the hurdle, whatever it is. ]]><![CDATA[Guest Post: How to Love Yourself in a Loveless Society]]>Tue, 17 May 2016 13:41:37 GMThttp://www.ruejeancoaching.com/blog/guest-post-how-to-love-yourself-in-a-loveless-societyIt’s more important how you see yourself than how others see you. I remember growing up with my friends and feeling like I had to tear myself down, because if I let them or anyone know that hey I thought I looked good today, that they would label me as conceited and self-centered. To me, that was the last thing I wanted to be. I didn’t want people to look at me and think “Wow, she’s so full of herself because she likes how she looks”. It’s like we’re preconditioned to hate how we look.

I read something on Facebook one time that said, “All of you have a little save the world inside you. And it’s ok if all you save is yourself”. Loving yourself in a loveless society seems almost impossible. If we’re looked down upon for loving someone else how the hell are we supposed to love ourselves? It’s so important to love yourself, because once you start to hate yourself, you start to hate your life. So here are 3 ways to love yourself in a loveless society.

1. Take yourself on dates.
Yes, I know this sounds weird and crazy, but when you’re first falling in love with someone what do you do? You go on dates with them, you find out random things about them that spur your interest. You learn what their laugh sounds like, and what their eyes look like when they’re thinking. Dates are how you get to know someone and eventually fall in love, so why not date yourself?

2. Compliment yourself.
Every day, name 1 thing that you love about yourself. For me, it’s my eyes, it’s the one thing that I have never criticized or hated about my appearance. Find just one thing that you love about yourself, and it can change how you view yourself because eventually you’re going to have to start digging deeper. First, you start with the surface things like your eyes, your hair, or your smile. Then you go to the deeper things like being able to make new friends anywhere, or give great advice. If you can start to compliment yourself daily, then you’re on track to a better you.

3. Accept compliments from others.
We’re all guilty of avoiding compliments. When someone says oh you look so nice today, just doing that awkward laugh and saying no but thanks. Stop doing that! Learn to take a breath and say well thank you. If someone’s complimenting you, it’s usually sincere, it’s not a joke and not something they did because it makes their life better. They could have gone on with their life never having complimented you but they didn’t, they felt the need to tell you that they like this about you.

Those are only 3 ways to love yourself I know, and I could list a lot more, but it’s not something you can just do in a day, it’s something that takes time, so get to work.

This post was written by my dear friend Noelle Kathleen Prideaux originally featured in the Odyssey Online. Noelle is an inspiration to the positivity movement, and she truly lives her message. More of her work can be found at https://www.theodysseyonline.com/@noelleprideaux

]]><![CDATA[Gracefully Letting Go of Friendships]]>Fri, 06 May 2016 20:49:38 GMThttp://www.ruejeancoaching.com/blog/gracefully-letting-go-of-friendships

Sometimes friendships end, they can end because of conflict or fighting, but sometimes they can end because of something less traumatic. It can really hurt when friendships end, especially when you had a lot invested in the relationship or didn't want it to end. Some important things to remember when a friendship ends are the things that you can control.

1. You Can Control Your Reactions
Sometimes friendships end on unhappy terms, even if the other person is lashing out you get to choose your response. Just because the other person is choosing not to act kindly doesn't mean you have to as well. You can decide to stay out of their drama triangle and choose to be kind to them anyways.

2. You Can Choose How You Remember the Friendship
Have you ever lost a friendship and been so mad that you can't remember anything good about the relationship? There had to be something good about that person or you wouldn't have been their friend in the first place. You can decide that you want to remember the good things, this goes with a gratefulness mindset or a mindful approach to life. Try making an entry in your gratitude journal that lists all the reasons that you're glad to have had that person in your life. You can also write a list of all the things that this person taught you.

3. You Can Choose How to Move Forward
If the relationship is toxic do not go back, and I am proud of you for getting away; remember, friends can be abusers, not just parents or boyfriends and girlfriends. If the friendship wasn't toxic, you can decide if there is a chance for reconciliation, if there is, you can try to make up with them and be friends again. If being friends again isn't possible, then try to move forward with grace, you can decide to remove yourself from their social media or not, but don't use it as a platform to harass or stalk them, and certainly don't vaguebook about them, you're better than that and it's just not cute.

The bottom line is that it stinks to lose a friendship, and while at least half of it is out of your hands you at least have control over yourself and how you handle the things in your power.

]]><![CDATA[A Journal of Grief (and some reminders to be positive)]]>Sun, 17 Apr 2016 03:51:53 GMThttp://www.ruejeancoaching.com/blog/a-journal-of-grief-and-some-reminders-to-be-positive

Fair warning this post gets really real, and is mostly just a journalistic attempt to self-medicate, that’s often what writing is for me, so I promise I won’t mind if you just go read my chocolate cake recipe, we can still be besties.

So if we haven’t talked over a hot cup of tea or a smooth glass of wine, it is likely that you don’t know that my mom passed away when I was a child. She had brain cancer, a predominantly pediatric cancer that the doctors presumed had just hung out at the base of her head until it grew large enough to start causing problems. She had more than a dozen surgeries over 15 months, but eventually succumbed to a hardcore version of pneumonia that started shutting down her kidneys. Losing my mom totally shaped my future. I have joked that Grief was my first boyfriend, we spent all of our time together, and Grief was a great comfort to me, but then I met someone else, Depression. Depression and I had our go rounds, moment in the sun, and I was infatuated with him for much longer than I would care to admit, we were no good for each other but we tried to make it work. I finally got myself out, ran into the night and said, “to hell with you, you’re no good for me, my family was right!”

Sometimes Grief and I meet up for coffee and just talk about the good times, and what we’re doing now, Grief tells me that he thinks my mom would be proud of me if she was here. Tonight however, Depression and Grief went out together (they’re good drinking buddies) and they both drunk texted me. Grief, always the gentleman said, “really sorry to bother you, but I need you to know that your mom died because it’s been a long time and I think you might have forgotten. Anyways, she really misses you too, and cancer sucks… a lot.” Whereas his counterpart, Depression reminded me, “your mom would hate to see what you’ve become, and you’re not worth a whole lot, you still look like crap, fatty, and you will never stop missing your mom… but, I’ll always be there for you.” My best friend Anxiety chimed in immediately, she’s quite the oversharer, “Depression’s right, you know, you are looking a little gross and yeah, I mean what have you really accomplished, Lorde was winning Grammy’s at 17, what have you got to show for yourself. Gosh, I always liked Depression, you guys were great together!” I tell Anxiety to go home, but she reminds me that we live together and even share a pillow… and makeup brushes.
My remedy for these interactions with the fellas that have gripped my life for so long is just to sob openly with the windows down, cry until my throat is ragged and listen to the music that was the soundtrack to my breakup with Depression. I know that music, just like writing will always be there to comfort me, and it does, I cry myself out, let my breathing become shallow hiccups and slowly bring myself back to my baseline. But I do not go back to Depression, I don’t even respond to his text.
The thing that I want to illustrate most by the anthropomorphism of grief, depression, and anxiety is that yes, I have been crippled by the grief of losing my mom and the depression that followed on its heels, but choosing positivity and love are the biggest supports that I have in all of this. Yes, it is unwaveringly sucky that my mom died before she was even 40, and yes it sucks that I still have the arguments with myself about the impact that this has on my interpretation of my worth, but in the midst of it, I choose to see the love, and to see the good because that’s just who I am.
Point is…

My mom died, but she lived and loved so vibrantly, taught me everything I know, taught me to question everything, challenge what I don’t believe in, pitch a tent, identify animal tracks, and find wild edible plants.
My anxiety and depression have long lasting effects, but they remind me of how far I have come, I have learned to accept that everything they say is a lie, and that I worth so much more than they think I am.

I am so blessed by getting to have my mom for the first 10 years of my life, and as the tenth anniversary of her death approaches, about two weeks away, I am surrounding myself in memories of how wonderful she was and how my actions are extensions of her memory.
Choosing positivity doesn’t mean that nothing bad ever happens to you, and it doesn’t mean that other people are always positive, but it does mean that you get to choose your reaction and response. I once had a therapist (she was definitely not a good fit for me, our visions just did not line up) tell me, “you can’t surround yourself in this positivity stuff, it’s just not how the world works.” I challenged her thinking, but really I feel sorry for her thinking, it is a way harder life, I remember it, it’s sucky. But, yes, I really do see positivity in every situation, when my car breaks down, it’s a major inconvenience and expense, but it reminds me of my abundance and it’s a chance to support another local business. When I see things about wars and unrest in other countries, I am so much more grateful for the peace that is in my own life and inspired to help to resolve conflicts. I even choose positivity when thinking about my mom’s death, it helped me lose my fear of dying so that I could focus on living.
Being positive and self assured doesn’t mean that you won’t have depression, anxiety, bipolar, an eating disorder, etc. But it will make you more equipped to handle the struggles of living with those afflictions and feel more rooted in your truth. If you have a solid foundation of loving yourself and seeing the good, it slowly becomes easier to hear your truth over the shouting of your mind.
And until you get there yourself, I will say it for you.

You are beautiful.
I love you.
You are enough.
You do enough.
I believe in you.
You are brave.
You’re better than this.
No one else at yoga class cares about your cellulite.
No one in class cares if you said the wrong answer when you were called on.
No one else thinks your nose is weird looking.

Wow, this post was a doozy, if you’re still here, thank you for listening to me ramble, I feel like we know a lot more about each other. Writing this has been intensely cathartic and I hope that it has in some way been a benefit to you as well. I share stories about losing my mother and the impact that my depression has had on me because I feel that if I can help at least one human being, she didn’t die in vain, and my struggles were worth something. I really do mean it though, I love you.

]]><![CDATA[To Paleo or not to Paleo?]]>Mon, 11 Apr 2016 20:59:59 GMThttp://www.ruejeancoaching.com/blog/to-paleo-or-not-to-paleo

So the Paleo diet, huh? It sounds pretty easy, but there’s a lot of grey area that leaves room for error. The thought behind the Paleo diet is that you go back to the way of eating found in our ancestors from somewhere around the paleolithic era. What research has found is that people from way back then didn’t consume grains or dairy, at least not the way that we do. The biggest reason for this is probably a) because agriculture wasn’t utilized by nomadic people, and b) because animal husbandry was also not utilized, wherein it would have been extremely difficult for people to collect milk from wild animals. That’s where we see this hunter/gather sort of diet emerge. Lots of meat and fruits and vegetables, avoiding grains and dairy almost all together.

Why would you want to do this? It seems like a good question to me too. I have some friends who eat Paleo, and I have dabbled with it myself. I know that some of my friends have had great success with it, but personally, I found it too restrictive. I’m a huge legume person (read: will sell my soul for peanut butter on a spoon) and so having that restricted was really unsustainable for me. The biggest part of Paleo that is preached by its diehard fans is that Paleo eating gets people in a Dunkin Donuts world back to real food, and that’s the part of Paleo that I love. I’m a huge real food believer, but for me, real food means something a little bit different than not eating grains or dairy, to me real food means eating grains from a sustainable source that look as much like they did when they were harvested. I think for some people who don’t do well with grey area, it’s easier to follow the Paleo diet because it has a pretty great way of laying everything out that’s really user friendly. The thought behind the Paleo diet is that we weren’t made to digest grains and dairy since eating them is a newer concept, sometimes the Paleo diet can be a great way to diagnose or to rule out lactose intolerance or gluten sensitivities since you’re removing those things and can gauge what happens to your health overall, it’s a great way to tweak your body and see how it best operates.
The Paleo diet doesn’t have room for sugar, which I really dig, considering that I’m pretty sure a bag of the white stuff is actually one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse (but maybe I’m mixing my mythologies), but I think that it’s overall a little bit too restrictive to be sustainable for a lot of people, and I have seen people take it the complete opposite direction, “so what, I eat 12 strips of bacon at a time… I’m Paleo!” Moderation is key with any type of eating plan, and with Paleo being a relatively new construct, there is a huge space for user-error, which is why I’d always suggest having a coach or Paleo guru before starting the lifestyle.
“Will I get enough carbs if I eat Paleo?” If I had a dollar for every time I was asked this question, I would have…. At least enough money to buy 20 of my closest friends a really nice meal out with 2 bottles of wine (which is not Paleo, I might add) a piece. And to all the people who ask me about this, I say, “yes, absolutely, as long as you’re eating truly Paleo, this won’t be something that you have to worry about.” Paleo and something like Atkin’s or the Keto Diet are really different, yes, they focus on getting your energy from fats and protein, but what people forget is the critical difference between pasta carbs and sweet potato carbs, mostly in the amount of processing and the glycemic index differences of these types of foods. The Paleo diet doesn’t restrict carbs that come from vegetables and to some extent fruit, it just asks that you not have donut carbs or pasta carbs, so you have to be a little bit more mindful of what you’re eating, which is super important regardless of how you eat.
My bottom line:
Do I think that Paleo is the best option out there? For some people, I do, but I know that it’s not the best option for me, and probably not for a lot of other people.
Do I think that Paleo is harmful? Probably not, as long as you do it safely, and make sure that you eat enough nutrients, I think it’s way less harmful to your body than Mountain Dew is.
Do I think that Paleo is a fad diet? No more so than any other type of eating, I think that it depends on how you treat it. If you hate being Paleo, are only doing it to lose 20 pounds for your wedding and then never plan to even look at another sweet potato after the vows are exchanged, then yes I think it’s a fad diet, just like I think that being vegetarian or gluten free is a fad diet. Remember, any diet can be a fad diet depending on how you feel about it and how personally sustainable it is for you.

I’d suggest that anyone who’s curious to learn more about their body’s needs and desires try going Paleo for at least 3 months. It’s a great way to get to know yourself better and you might even find that you’re lactose intolerant or have a gluten sensitivity and didn’t even know it!
So what do you think, ever gone Paleo before?

]]><![CDATA[Black Bean Chocolate Cake!]]>Sat, 02 Apr 2016 02:15:05 GMThttp://www.ruejeancoaching.com/blog/black-bean-chocolate-cakeYup! You read that right! Chocolate cake made out of black beans! What the what?! I'm super cereal you guys! It's fabulous. I made this for my bestie's birthday, she has been working with me and has lost 30 pounds! I am so proud of her for chiseling away to let out the goddess she's got hanging out inside! So for her B-Day I decided to make her this super nutritious chocolate cake. Yum-O!

This recipe is pretty quick and easy and so stinkin' worth it!

Ingredients:
A can of black beans, drained and rinsed
5 large eggs
1 1/2 tablespoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
2/3 cup coconut sugar syrup (recipe below)
6 tablespoons melted coconut oil
6 tablespoons cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda

How?

*Preheat oven to 325 degrees farenheit, prep a 9" baking pan with oil and a dusting of cocoa powder (not included in the 6 tablespoons).
*Drain and rinse your beans, I like to wiggle my fingers in the colander to make sure there's not any clumps with bean juice hanging out in there.
* Blend beans with eggs in food processor or blender, until liquefied.
*Mix together all dry ingredients, whisk in wet ingredients, and lastly add the beans and egg mixture to the bowl.
*Beat (I used my whisk) until you get everything super incorporated (2 minutes by hand or 1 minute with a mixer).
*Transfer to prepared pan and pop in the oven for about 40 minutes. The toothpick trick still works to test doneness for this bad boy.
*Let cool for about 20 minutes, then transfer to a cooling rack. It can be a little tricky to get out, so show it some lovin' and wiggle a butter knife around the edge until it releases.
*I waited about an hour to frost.

Per 1/8 of cake:
265 Calories
13.4 g Fat
30.5 g Carbs
9.2 g Protein
Adapted from thevibrantfamily.wordpress.com

Chocolate Avocado Frosting

Ingredients:

3 ripe avocados (you should be able to dent the skin with your thumb until light pressure)
1/2 cup cocoa powder
2/3 cup maple syrup, agave syrup, honey, or coconut sugar syrup
2 tablespoons melted coconut oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

How?
*Throw your avocados and coconut oil into the food processor and blend until smooth, whisk the rest of the ingredients in, incorporating as much air as possible.
*Chill until ready to use.

BONUS RECIPE:
Coconut Sugar Syrup

Ingredients:

4 cups coconut sugar
2 cups water

How?

*Bring water to a rolling boil in a medium saucepan.
*Whisk in sugar.
*Whisk vigorously for about 2-3 minutes.
*Reduce heat and allow to simmer until reduced to a dark brown syrup, about ten minutes.

Have you ever had a black bean dessert? Let me know what you think of using beans instead of conventional flours.

]]><![CDATA[Trusting Yourself: You're Not Wrong]]>Tue, 29 Mar 2016 16:38:52 GMThttp://www.ruejeancoaching.com/blog/trusting-yourself-youre-not-wrong

You know it when you feel it, it pokes at you, stings you, feels just not right. Your intuition, your internal guide knows what’s best for you and we get so good at not being able to listen to it. We tune ourselves out of hearing this voice in relationships, when we eat, where we work, what we allow to happen to ourselves. By learning to trust yourself you’ll find that you send yourself subliminal messages that are meant to keep you healthy, happy, and safe.

In Relationships:
We know how we really feel around others, but we get really good at silencing it because we feel like we need to, but the things that we feel deserve to be validated. You know if your boss makes you feel uncomfortable, if you feel afraid when you’re with your partner, if you feel like you can’t be your real self around your family then you know it. We are taught that we have to accept some degree of unhappiness even in relationships and being uncomfortable allows us to grow, but listening to that voice makes it more apparent when you’re in real trouble. When you do hear that message, learn to appreciate it and use it to your benefit. You are never responsible for other’s actions, and you get to make choices about what you’re willing to tolerate in your life regardless of who it is.

With Food:
In our super fast, get it done society, we rarely have time to actually acknowledge or appreciate the food that we put into our bodies. If you tap into your gut instinct, you can learn how your body feels about what you put into it. It is thought that more than half of the population is lactose intolerant, you might find out that you fall into that camp if you listen to your body and the messages that it sends you. Every time we eat, a symphony of messages get relayed throughout your body, to chew, what fluids go where, peristalsic muscle contractions need to occur, what hormones are released, etc. You know some of these reactions personally, you salivate when you see something delicious, you get a sore tummy when you eat too much or food that your body can’t handle. If you become aware and trust the messages you’re being sent, you might learn something new about your body that could be the key to reaching your goals that you thought were unattainable or out of reach.

At Work:
It’s sort of an unspoken expectation that you don’t like your job, you just go to work, make money and that’s it. And many times it is really hard to change your situation, but what if you were able to change your situation by trusting yourself? If you listen to what your heart tells you about your current situation, you might find yourself compelled to take the action to change. Remember that feeling afraid is okay, and it’s something to lean into, changing jobs or industries can be really scary, but if it’s something that will make you feel happier then it is worth it tenfold. The Dalai Lama says, “the purpose of our lives is to be happy.” We only have so much time, so why spend 8 or more hours a day being miserable?

What You Allow:
I am not willing to allow myself to be treated poorly. If someone speaks to me hurtfully, I remove myself from the situation If someone makes me feel like I am not living in congruence with my vision then I’ll try to communicate that, but if they do not change their behaviour I remove myself. Listening to my heart has kept it safe. Knowing that my heart is leading me in the right direction means that when it tells me something is up, I dive deeply into what the problem is and work to resolve it. If you realize that something goes against what you feel is okay, you absolutely DO NOT have to stay in that environment.

Listen to what your heart is telling you, it is only guiding you to your best self, and it knows exactly what you deserve. Trust yourself and know that you are your own decider, you don’t have to be treated or treat yourself in any way that makes you feel wrong or unhappy.

]]><![CDATA[Embracing Your NO]]>Tue, 29 Mar 2016 03:57:52 GMThttp://www.ruejeancoaching.com/blog/embracing-your-no When I first hopped on the self care train about 3 years ago, I was a chronic people pleaser, it’s just in my nature. I would double book, over commit and that led to speeding tickets and forgetting what was important to me. It took me a really long time to diagnose this as a problem. I thought that the more people I could squeeze in, or making more appointments would make me happier, healthier, I thought that having my calendar filled up to the 15 minute increment mark was a sign of my success, little did I know not having a “NO” in my vocabulary was stifling my relationships, forcing bad habits to creep back in, and making me forget my worth, here are the 5 things that helped me to Embrace My NO and allowed me to become even more successful and so much happier.

1. Know Why You Say Yes
Wanting to say yes isn’t wrong, you’re probably wanting to say yes to people who you hope would say yes to you, or if it’s at work you want to advance and look good. Unlocking the reason that you jump to say yes before thinking about it really changes whether or not you’re willing to commit, if you feel like you have to say yes, think about where that feeling comes from, is it because you bailed on them last night, are you worried about job performance, do you feel anxious about upsetting them? These are are totally valid reasons, and you can decide to say yes or no, but try to grasp an understanding of what’s guiding your answer so that it is deliberate and not just convenient to say yes.

2. Use a Planner
I’m totally a visual person and if someone verbally asked me to do something and without hesitating I said, “yeah, I can be there” without checking my datebook I would constantly find myself overbooked. Using a day planner helps in a few ways, it buys you time, you can say, “I’m so sorry, I don’t have my book in front of me, I’ll let you know as soon as I’m able to check it” which gives you a chance to check if that’s the same time you were supposed to go to the dog park with a friend or if this commitment would carve into your gym sesh, slowing down your response time allows you to evaluate how willing you are to say yes. It also makes sure that you aren’t double booking or overcommitting yourself, there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying, “I’m busy until 3, could we try for 4 instead?” giving yourself time to decompress between social encounters and allowing each function to run later than anticipated is super important, I mean don’t you just hate when you’re in the middle of an amazing convo, want to pour another cup of tea and realize you’re supposed to meet up with colleagues to discuss business in the coming month?

3. Set Your Boundaries
There are a few things that I will not give up for anything, I always go to certain yoga classes, couple’s time is Friday nights, and I get moody when my gym schedule gets switched around. Find your core values, the most important things to you, and write them in stone. Do not agree to get coffee at 11 when pilates starts at 12 if that class is something you truly value. If you are able to have influence on your work meetings, try to make sure that they won’t interfere with hanging out with your kiddo at gymboree. Those things aren’t things that you’d like to do if you get a chance, they are your indelible appointments with yourself. Even if it’s just one specific hour day, it is sacred because it matters to you and you should matter to you.

4. Know Your Worth
If you know a thing or two about me, you’ll know that the title of this post and this point are both a part of my values and vision statement, I so truly believe that knowing your worth is one of the most special gifts that you can give to yourself, and that’s true in time management as well. Going back to #3, thinking of your appointments with yourself and as sacred is not something that we are trained to do, it is counterintuitive from how we live our lives. A whole hour just to drink tea and be alone? But I could be doing laundry, or meeting with a client, or picking up the living room, or vacuuming. Seriously, if you don’t know your worth and use that to set those good boundaries you invite yourself to be trampled, you are worth saying no, you are worth taking a 45 minute bubble bath, self care is important and the best way to take care of yourself is to realize that you deserve it.

5. Learn How to Say No
Saying no or turning people down doesn’t have to be a negative thing and you don’t owe anyone an explanation, if you have ‘7pm drink a glass of moscato and dance in underwear like Callie from Grey’s Anatomy’ penciled into your datebook and some friends from the office suggest tapas, you can say no to that, and if they press you or even nicely take interest in your plans, you can just say, “I already have plans,” or my favourite, “I’m spending time with a friend.” You are your own best friend and it is totally okay to think of yourself as such. Just know that your time belongs to you and how you spend it is your business and no one can tell you if that’s right or wrong.

]]><![CDATA[The Benefits of Nakedness]]>Thu, 17 Mar 2016 03:58:30 GMThttp://www.ruejeancoaching.com/blog/the-benefits-of-nakednessAs women, we are taught from a very young age that our bodies are private and that we shouldn’t reveal them, look at them, think of them, or be proud of them, as we get older this modesty comes from a place of sexualization. The reason that we have Free The Nipple rallies are to desexualize women’s bodies, but I wonder how far this mentality permeates into our lives. For a very long time, I was ashamed of my body to the point that I hated looking at it, I would take a shirt off, switch into a clean one, take off my pants and put new ones on, I tried really hard to never be totally naked. When I committed myself to changing my life, I implemented naked time, I spent at least 5 minutes naked in the mirror, looking at myself in different angles, except I was looking for things to love. I would take note of where I saw muscles taking shape, or other changes in my body, noting where I had new freckles, (ladies, this is a good time to do a self breast exam too, just saying).

At first, I felt totally stupid, and gross, and ugly, but after a while I looked forward to it, not out of vanity, but out of appreciation, I spent that dedicated daily time to getting to know myself better, having a better relationship with myself, even talking to myself out loud. Becoming more comfortable with my naked body also changed my relationship with clothing. I used to use clothing to conceal “problem areas”, but once I adopted my naked time routine, I started accepting that that’s just how my body looks, and that clothing doesn’t change that, if there’s a roll here or loose skin there, it’s still there and still visible, it’s just got cotton over it. I started thinking of my body as the most amazing raw veggie, and clothing as oil, herbs, and spices. My naked body was perfect in its raw form, but it was fun to experiment with new flavours. A carrot is still a carrot after you put olive oil on it. Changing that outlook also challenged me to leave my clothing comfort zone and I haven’t looked back.

Image: Frances Cannon Go To Her Site

Taking five minutes out of your day to embrace the meat suit you’ve got can help you get past the things that you spend so much time fixating on the things you hate and allows you to start noticing the things that you love, how amazing your body is, and all the things that it enables you to do. Your body is your vehicle, it may be dinged up and scratched, maybe parts of it are held together with duct tape, but it keeps you safe, moves you around, and takes you on every adventure you get to have.

]]><![CDATA[Why I'm a Part Time Vegetarian]]>Tue, 08 Mar 2016 04:59:10 GMThttp://www.ruejeancoaching.com/blog/why-im-a-part-time-vegetarianI love vegetarian and vegan fare. Fresh Macadamia Mac and Cheese makes my heart feel fuzzy inside, but sometimes I really want fish. I have been a strict vegetarian before, but found that for my lifestyle it was really impractical. A huge part of this is because I’ve never lived alone, or maybe more importantly, I’ve never not lived with omnivores. My family growing up ate more meat than cavemen, my roommates had a smoker in the backyard, and my live in boyfriend has au jus for blood, maybe if I had been in an environment with other vegetarians my experience would be different, but it isn’t.

Another reason that I’m a part time vegetarian is because I don’t believe in food denial, there are things that I choose not to eat, but I don’t like to put limits on my diet after spending a really long, unhealthy part of my life doing just that. But I do try to make sure that my meat is special, going to farmers themselves for my meat or making sure that is has been raised and butchered ethically. Does it make me sad to eat meat? Sad isn’t the right word, reverent is probably a better way of putting it, but I try to be reverent of everything that I eat, it is a cornerstone of my mindfulness, I appreciate and give thanks to all of the food that I eat, I am thankful to the rice that I eat for growing so healthy that I can give my mind energy, I am thankful to avocados for being so perfect so that I can have flavour and protect my body, and just the same way, I am thankful to chickens or fish for giving themselves to help me make muscles and new cells.

I think of food as fuel and not just food so I like to try to get a diverse array of all food types including protein, and meat is a really protein dense substance which for someone who oftentimes just isn’t hungry, it’s a life saver. I make sure that my protein comes from a vast array of foods, in a given day, I may have quinoa and a protein shake in almond milk for breakfast, black beans with lunch, and a portion of a chicken breast with dinner. Being a part time vegetarian allows me to experience more foods and most importantly it’s what works best for me.

I also feel good about being a part time veg because it supports sustainability and helps support ethical, local farmers, who doesn’t love supporting small businesses?

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